11 songs B. Friday

Still Breathing

An eleven song album about survival, grief, truth, and the slow return to solid ground.

The album

I am here, I see clearly, and I am learning how to live differently.

Still Breathing follows one arc from the quiet survival learned in childhood, through the moment everything almost stopped, to the slow work of standing on solid ground again. It moves in three acts, and every song is one step in that return.

The writing stays close to what is true. It names grief, betrayal, faith, and boundaries at the level of feeling, and it ends where honesty tends to end. Not fixed, not finished, but present and learning.

Eleven songs, three acts

The journey

The sequence moves through three acts, from the wiring of early survival to the practice of staying present. Open any track to read its lyrics.

Act I

Learning to survive

The wiring, the collapse, and the first fragile proof of still being here.

Learned That Early Formation · Control, adaptation, quiet survival The early wiring. Staying quiet, carrying what was not yours, calling it love to keep the peace.

Verse 1 I learned that earlyKeep it insideDon't make it harderDon't pick a sideWatch the room shiftListen, don't speakLove meant surrenderSafety meant keeping peace
Pre-Chorus No one was comingNo one would say
Chorus I learned that earlyGet quiet, get smallCarry the weightLike it's yours after allCall it loveCall it strongI learned how to disappearAll along
Verse 2 I learned that earlyDon't ask for muchBe thankful for anythingDon't trust your gutHold what she's feelingSwallow your ownBe who they needDon't let it show
Pre-Chorus No one was comingSo I stayed
Chorus I learned that earlyGet quiet, get smallCarry the weightLike it's yours after allCall it loveCall it strongI learned how to disappearAll along
Bridge Be the good sonBe the calm oneBe the placeWhere it all can runTell the truthPay the priceLearn to hideTo keep the peace alive
Final Chorus I learned that earlyGet quiet, get smallCarry the weightLike it's yours after allCall it loveCall it strongI was learningI was learningHow to disappearAll along
Outro I learned that early
At the Edge of Quiet Collapse · Emptiness, surrender, suspended relief Everything almost stops. The noise falls away and only silence and breath remain.

Verse 1 I remember the quietWhen the noise inside finally stoppedAnd all that was leftWas breath
Verse 2 There's a kind of hurtThat hollows out the airWhere every breath feels borrowedAnd hope isn't thereAnd the mind goes searchingFor somewhere to land
Chorus At the edge of quietWhere the noise fades outAt the edge of quietWhere the dark gets loudThere's a strange reliefWhen the fight runs outAt the edge of quiet
Verse 3 I was full of questionsWith nowhere to goA heart worn thinFrom carrying it aloneAnd the night kept whisperingJust let go
Chorus At the edge of quietWhere the noise fades outAt the edge of quietWhere the dark gets loudThere's a strange reliefWhen the fight runs outAt the edge of quiet
Bridge Under the silenceUnder the weightSomething kept breathingWhen I thought I would breakI'm still breathingAnd that has to be enough
Final Chorus At the edge of quietWhere the noise fades outAt the edge of quietWhere the dark gets loudAnd the night that held meCouldn't take me down
Outro At the edge of quietAt the edge of quietI was still around
Still Here Survival · Fragile presence, quiet endurance Waking after the brink. Not with answers or strength, just the fact of still being alive.

Verse 1 Morning came without askingLight across the floorI was breathing in the quietI almost left beforeNothing felt like victoryNothing felt like graceJust another quiet momentStill standing in this place
Pre-Chorus And the world kept movingLike it always does
Chorus Still hereBreathing in the airStill hereStanding anywhereI don't know the reasonI don't know howBut I woke up breathingAnd I'm still here now
Verse 2 The questions didn't leave meThe weight was still the sameBut something small was livingUnderneath the painNot loud enough for answersNot strong enough for peaceJust enough to whisperStay another week
Pre-Chorus And the days kept turningSlow but true
Chorus Still hereBreathing in the airStill hereStanding anywhereI don't know the reasonI don't know howBut I kept on breathingAnd I'm still here now
Bridge Maybe it was mercyMaybe just a threadMaybe life was holdingWhat I couldn't yet
Chorus Still hereBreathing in the airStill hereStanding anywhereI don't know the reasonI don't know howBut the night didn't winAnd I'm still here now
Outro I'm still breathingAnd I'm still here now
Stay Awake Awakening · Tension, clarity, returning energy Awareness sharpens. Choosing not to disappear, beginning to stand in the truth.

Verse 1 I used to bend until I vanishedCall it peace, call it loveBut my body kept the ledgerAnd it finally had enoughNow I hear my own voice clearlyIn the quiet, in the noiseAnd I'm done betraying my heartJust to keep somebody's choice
Pre-Chorus No more maybeNo more fineI'm not leaving me behind
Chorus I'm staying awakeI'm staying awakeI won't trade my breath to keep you okayI'm staying awakeI'm staying awakeI won't disappear again
Verse 2 I still want us, I still mean itBut I can't be the costI can hold the hard conversationI can't go back to lost
Pre-Chorus Say it straight nowStay with truthI won't shrink to be proof
Chorus I'm staying awakeI'm staying awakeI won't trade my breath to keep you okayI'm staying awakeI'm staying awakeI won't disappear again
Bridge Love can live in the lightOr it isn't loveWe can healWe can rise above
Chorus I'm staying awakeI'm staying awakeI won't trade my breath to keep you okayI'm staying awakeI'm staying awakeI won't disappear again

Act II

Naming what happened

Sorting truth from survival, holding what was real, and drawing the line.

What Was Real Reorientation · Disorientation, questioning, unraveling Looking back and sorting truth from survival. The story was not what it seemed.

Verse 1 I keep replaying conversationsLike a film without a soundEvery memory rearrangingAs the truth comes out
Pre-Chorus If I see it clearly nowWhat was I seeing then
Chorus Tell me what was realWhat was loveWhat was survivalWhat was just a dealI was making with the darkJust to stay inside itIf the ground was always shiftingUnder how I feelTell me what was real
Verse 2 I wore patience like a promiseI called silence being strongNow I'm staring at the ruinsOf a story that was wrong
Pre-Chorus And I don't know who I wasInside that life
Chorus Tell me what was realWhat was loveWhat was survivalWhat was just a dealI was making with the darkJust to stay inside itIf the past is breaking openUnder how I feelTell me what was real
Stayed With You Anchored Reality · Presence, love, complexity, unresolved truth A memory of something real. Being seen, showing up, and staying through the end.

Verse 1 You were one of the fewWho could hear me through the noiseI didn't have to fightTo feel knownAnd I held thatLike a quiet kind of truthSomewhere in all of thisI had a homeBut there were things we never saidThings you couldn't change
Chorus I stayed with youWhen the road got thinWhen the light pulled backAnd the dark came inI didn't have answersI didn't know what to doBut I stayedI stayed with you
Verse 2 We were both inside itDifferent sides of the same stormYou stood there as the fatherI learned how to endureAnd I see it nowIn ways I couldn't thenYou were fighting your own battlesWhile I was growing in them
Chorus I stayed with youWhen the road got thinWhen the choices closedAnd the end set inI didn't have answersI didn't know what to doBut I stayedI stayed with you
Bridge I was the one who said itWhat no one wants to sayThat the time was running outAnd it wouldn't turn awayYou held the weight of leavingOf all you wouldn't seeThe years ahead unfoldingWithout you there to be
Final Chorus I stayed with youWhen the breath ran slowWhen your hand in mineWas all I could holdI didn't have answersBut I was there with youI stayedI stayed with you
Outro I stayed with you
Never Okay Moral Clarity · Conviction, grounded anger, resolve A line is drawn. No more minimizing, no more absorbing. Naming it for what it was.

Verse 1 I called it patienceI went numbCalled it peaceI bit my tonguePaid for comfortI didn't ownWith years I'll never get back
Chorus That was never okayNot once, not everNot let it goNot that's just themNot try to be betterI'm done with fineDone with maybeYou don't get my silenceYou don't get me cheaplyThat was never okay
Verse 2 You said don't rock the boatWhile you drilled holes in the hullYou said think of familyWhen I finally had enough
Chorus That was never okayNot once, not everNot let it goNot that's just themNot try to be betterI'm done with fineDone with maybeYou don't get my silenceYou don't get me cheaplyThat was never okay
It Won't Come Out Emotional Release · Pressure, grief, containment Years of held emotion rise, but the body resists. The pain is there, the release is not.

Verse 1 There's a wave in my throat that won't breakTears on the edge that won't fallI keep breathing around the acheLike it's living in my walls
Chorus I need to cry but it won't come outI need to cry but it won't come outI'm full of years I can't pour outMy body fights what my soul shoutsI want to breathe it all out loudI need to cry but it won't come out
Verse 2 I called it love and it drained my lifeCalled it strength when I stayedI gave away what I didn't haveTo keep the room okay
Chorus I need to cry but it won't come outI need to cry but it won't come outI'm full of years I can't pour outMy body fights what my soul shoutsI want to breathe it all out loudI need to cry but it won't come out

Act III

Finding solid ground

Standing again, reopening to love, and learning to stay and be seen.

Finding Solid Ground Rebuilding · Stability, cautious strength, grounding Learning to stand again. Not perfectly, but with something real underfoot.

Verse 1 I've been walking through the wreckageOf a life I thought I knewEvery step feels unfamiliarEvery breath feels new
Chorus I'm learning to standOn solid groundNot every stepBut here and nowThe past still echoesBut it's not the soundOf the life I'm living now
Verse 2 Some days I feel the shakingSome days the sky is clearBut every breath reminds meI'm still standing here
Pre-Chorus Every step I takeI'm still breathing hereAnd there's ground beneath me now
Chorus I'm learning to standOn solid groundNot every stepBut here and nowThe past still echoesBut it's not the soundOf the life I'm living now
I Want To Love Reopening · Longing, vulnerability, hope A quiet, honest wish to love and be loved. Not from survival, but from something real.

Verse 1 I know You're loveI know You stayI say it like a songBut my heart keeps bracingFor the fallLike I've been hurt too long
Chorus I want to loveNot from a distanceI want to loveWithout my defensesCome closer than my historyLove me underneathIf You are loveThen make it realI want to love
Verse 2 I learned to love by giving moreBy earning every mileTo keep the peaceTo hold the roomTo wear the careful smile
Chorus I want to loveNot from a distanceI want to loveWithout my defensesCome closer than my historyLove me underneathIf You are loveThen make it realI want to love
Bridge Hold me closerDon't let goMeet me whereI can't controlHeal the placeI cannot seeTeach my heart to breathe again
Chorus I want to loveNot from a distanceI want to loveWithout my defensesCome closer than my historyLove me underneathIf You are loveThen make it realI'm still hereI want to love
Learning You Relational Practice · Vulnerability, effort, closeness, uncertainty Two people learning to stay, speak, hear, and hold. Love becoming something lived.

Verse 1 I'm learning how to say itWithout pulling it backLet the truth stay in the roomNot hide in the cracks
Verse 2 I'm learning how to feel itWithout shutting it downLet it live in my chestLet it make a sound
Pre-Chorus It's slower than I thoughtHarder than it seems
Chorus I'm learning youWhile you're learning meHow to stay when it's hardHow to let things be seenNot fixing, not runningNot closing the doorJust staying here longerThan we have before
Verse 3 You're learning how to hear meWithout turning awayLet the weight of my wordsHave a place they can stay
Verse 4 You're learning how to hold itNot make it disappearLet the silence be fullNot something to fear
Pre-Chorus We don't always get it rightBut we're still here trying
Chorus I'm learning youWhile you're learning meHow to stay when it's hardHow to let things be seenNot fixing, not runningNot closing the doorJust staying here longerThan we have before
Bridge Come closeNot to solve itJust to stayCome closeNot to change itJust to holdClose enoughTo feel the space betweenLearning howTo breathe in the same place
Chorus I'm learning youWhile you're learning meHow to speak without fearHow to hear what it meansNot perfect, not finishedNot something we forceJust staying here longerAnd learning what for
Outro We're still hereStill learning

Out now

Listen to Still Breathing

The full eleven song album is available to stream now. Play it start to finish, or open any track above to read along.

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